Excuse me while I fucking school you on grindr.
It’s really hard to care at my hospital administration job after a two month clinical externship and a vacation in Sitges coming up.
for my May/June external clinic rotation are super thin. This means I am likely impressing the shit out of the hetebros upstairs with my extremely BELTY shower renditions of “Part of Your World” and “Poor Unfortunate Souls” (hey, I’m on a Little Mermaid kick), but it also means they are impressing the shit out of me with their intensely audible pee streams.
I’ve been picking lots of things up then putting them down in preparation for World Pride. Hopefully I hit my goals when for my August gaycation in Sitges.
That hat is fucking ridiculous but I have been eyeballing a neon leather harness for weeks now. It really speaks to my inner love of Lisa Frank and my outer love of muscles.
I already have the perfect matching sneaks to wear with it. Never to early to start planning World Pride outfits, y’all.
to change into after showering is a lie. I put them on, wear them home, and immediately take them off to change into sweats.
I’m sick of this social contract of undergarments I feel like I need to keep with my fellow gym members.
That after I ended it in your car, gave you a last hug, and watched you speed away, I had about five moments of panic where I wanted to ask you to come back, where I wished I had let you kiss me on the mouth instead of turning my cheek to your lips, or to tell you we could still hang out like we planned next week, where I wish I had said more than the blurted “Bye” that burst from my mouth before I closed the car door harder than I intended.
That over the last year and a half you were such an integral part of my growth, and I’ll never regret it.
That you were being selfish, more selfish than anyone I had ever met, and that I was too. That by watching and experiencing us both be that way, I learned that in order to really care for ourselves we had to give up those feelings and consider each other. That I’m grateful you didn’t end it before I came to this conclusion, so that I could realize I was strong enough to end it myself.
That I fell for you, and loved you. That I think before your reality set in, you loved me too. That part of me hopes that is true, and part of hopes it never was.
That I want you to be happy, and that it frustrated and confused me when you wouldn’t take action with what you told me was keeping you from being happy. That I hope you find that happiness in whatever end.
That I wish we could be friends, and that I never have wished that about someone I have broken up with.
That I will do my best to never let you know these things, because I promised myself and you that I would remove myself from the situation to let you figure things out, and to let me move on.